There are moments in this life… work-at-home husband, homeschooling the kids, large dog, three new kittens, impending spousal unemployment (read: formerly work-at-home husband somewhere-on-the-golf course)… where the tension just seems to mount.
In mere moments, fear, frustration, and just the build up of stress and anxiety, plain and simple, yanks you by the sharp tongue, unwillingly of course, to that place where all bad energy resides and manifests in bad attitude, negativity and sometimes- ahem- just nasty, toxic interactions with those close to you (read: husband).
We’ve all heard the sage advice to ‘count to ten’, of course. But my question, as the aspiring yogini I profess to be, is how can my practice enhance my ability to manage my frustration… retard my tendency to fly off the handle… or ease my propensity to suffocate on my anger in seething silence.
I meditate. I practice. But sometimes… sometimes… in the heat of the moment… is there something, yogically, I can draw on, to provide me with much needed support to get me through it without letting my anger undermine that which I am working so hard to control?
Or should there be?
Some say, in fact, that anger is the alert system hardwired into us that allows us to measure when we have witnessed or experienced some form of wrong-doing. Anger, like other emotions playing a roll in our innate flight or fight response, is programmed for our survival.
The problem with this theory, however, is that anger is such a complicated beast, undulating in ebbs and flows, arcs and crests. It differs from person to person and finds its root in everything from fear to profound loss and sadness, often not entirely founded in accurate reality, not to mention negatively impacting our health, that to consider it a reliable measure is, in itself, inaccurate.
This isn’t to say that anger, unlike the other emotions, should be denied or buried, in favour of another more acceptable form of emotional expression. Certainly not, as suppressing anger can have its own harmful effects on our health. But as I’m finding, there are effective means to alleviating anger’s hold, or more specifically allowing the feelings but rather than allowing them to get the better of you, implementing strategies through yoga, through which they can be diffused.
It’s all about energy. This hot, tempestuous, choleric energy manifests itself in all manners: physical, mental and spiritual. It really requires a great deal from us. In yogic theory, the causes for anger should not be resisted or ignored, but considered… as an observer. Feel that which threatens to overwhelm you, but instead of reacting, take notice- observe- the dimensions of those feelings.
In managing anger yogically, asanas provide a wonderful arsenal for releasing energy, removing the barriers of mind, body and spirit, that allow clear thought and feeling to prevail. In short, they effectively dispell, or move, the pent up energy, releasing the heat, that threatens to send you raging, uncontrolled, into further conflict.
In addition to the power of asanas in dealing with anger, is a yoga-based technique taught at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health in Lenox, Massachusetts, for integrating emotional experiences. The technique, described by Stephen Cope—psychotherapist, senior Kripalu Yoga teacher, and author of Yoga and the Quest for the True Self (Bantam, 1999), called “riding the wave,” employs five sequential steps: Breathe, Relax, Feel, Watch, Allow.
To begin the process, Breathe from the diaphragm, thereby switching your focus from your physical body to the world of energy. This switch can lead to dramatic insights and emotional release, as the prana carried in the breath penetrates blocked areas of the body and their associated blockages in the psyche.
Next, Relax your muscles as much as possible to help remove physical blocks to feeling the wave of energy. The wave’s spontaneity and intensity can be frightening, spurring you to defend yourself by tensing up, Cope notes. Cueing yourself to relax enables the wave to continue doing its psychically liberating work.
Then, Feel, which here means focusing on the wave’s sensations and investigating their qualities. What’s their mood, color, texture, shape? Where do you feel them most intensely in your body? After answering these questions, Watch—that is, engage what yogis call the Witness. “If you can stand in the Witness—what Freud called the observing ego—and stay present with the wave of sensation, then it moves through you and you can make discerning choices about how to respond to it rather than reacting to it,” says Cope.
The final stage of the technique, Allow, simply involves trusting the intelligence and positive outcome of the wave and not resisting it. The brilliance of riding the wave, Cope says, is that you stay with the raw feeling without acting on it “until you’re really clear.”
Whew….
